[photo: vi.sualize.us]
A good friend is cheaper than therapy.
~Author UnknownTrue friends look out for each other and help each other blossom. You can only thrive when you march with the right people.
Life coach Dinorah Blackman explains how you can tell if you are stuck in a toxic friendship:
- Toxic relationships are based on manipulation. A person who uses tears, tantrums, threats or bribery to bully you into doing what he or she wants is not a good companion.
- Toxic friends are usually unavailable when your hard times come. There is nothing like difficulties to show you who your real friends are. Some people might use the liberating-sounding excuse that they do not have time for other people’s dramas, but the truth is that real friends hang around even when your cup is empty. And then they help you to fill it up again.
- Toxic people are always raining on your parade. Everybody has dreams and you are entitled to them. Because your true friends care about you, they offer honest advice, but they still support your wild ambitions. Stay away from people who are quick to point out all the reasons why your idea is going to fail.
- Toxic relationships can be exhausting. Walking on eggshells can really wear you out. A true friend permits you to be yourself without taking everything too personally.
- Toxic people think it is their duty to improve you. Avoid people who are constantly criticizing everything you do and are intent on changing you. Although friends help each other to grow, the process cannot be forced, it comes naturally.
- Toxic relationships isolate you from friends and family. Beware of any association that consumes so much of your time and energy that you barely have a moment left for other friends and family. Toxic people tend to engulf you to the point that you feel like you are suffocating. Friends who have each other’s best interest at heart know that everybody needs space sometimes, and they are willing to step back and allow you to adjust at your own pace knowing well that this does not mean that the friendship is over.
Partner with someone who shares your goals and dreams.
In every part of life —romance, work, family— stuff happens. And these disappointments can indeed set you back, make you feel anxious and fearful. In moving through the recovery process, you may likely feel a range of emotions including anger, anxiety, confusion, low self-esteem and self-doubt. These represent stages of response and cannot be rushed. But over time you will begin to feel acceptance and hopefulness. When you let go of the past, you will experience increased self-esteem and renewed optimism.
But how do you get there? Terri Needels, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Honolulu, has some words of advice: ”Don’t focus on what you lost or what didn’t work. You have to rewrite your script and see yourself differently —such as seeing yourself with another person, or at another job.”
Some people flounder in frustration and blame after a disappointment. Worse, some people fall into deep depression. But then again others bounce back quickly and with energy. While you can argue that these people may well be born more resilient, resilience can certainly be learned. Practice and experience help. Most successful people have had their hard knocks, but they recover and move on. They, in fact, see disappointment as a prospect for something new. “Big losses provide the biggest opportunities for change,” says Needels. ”They make a person more open to trying new things.”
Here are a few tips to learn how you can become more resilient and overcome life’s big disappointments:
- Accept the setback. Know that setbacks happen to everyone. And realize that you may never understand what happened.
- Face your fears. It’s normal to feel insecure, but don’t cower and avoid uncertainty.
- Be patient. Reflect and think about what you plan to do; but don’t rush, it will only aggravate the process.
- Go beyond your comfort zone. Take risks. Go after that job you think you can’t do, doing so will build self-esteem and resilience.
- Find your hero. Think about people who have survived adversity —Christopher Reeve, Oprah. Use them as your role models.
- Know what you want. If you have goals, it’s easier to make plans and move forward.
- Be a problem-solver. Don’t be the victim, instead learn to behave proactively.
- One step at a time. To move forward, the enormity of the task (such as finding a new job after a lay-off) may seem insurmountable. Focus on each step you must take, not the entire undertaking.
- Seek support. Talk to friends, family or a therapist.
- Be kind to yourself. Disappointments are a source of stress, so exercise, eat right and get rest.
By Lybi Ma
Nature reminds us of the balance and peace we can find within ourselves. ~ Cheryl Nordyke
So I’ve been thinking lately, why can’t my life be more like a movie? Not the crazy crying drama, or the freaky gonna die shit. But the perfect music that happens to come at the perfect moment to give the scene that much more oomph?

this is all so true
You know you’re a military brat when…
—If, when you went to a civilian movie theater for the first time, you were shocked to learn that nobody else was standing up before the movie.
—You see a child crying as they say good-bye to their daddy as they go off to combat and you start crying because you know what that feels like.
—Your history teacher talks about different war sights in high school and you know where they mean, because you’ve been there.
—There’s a new kid in town, and you can’t resist the opportunity to welcome them into the community because you know what it’s like to be new
— You’ve learned to write other military familys’ address in pencil- and you warn people to do the same with yours.
—The national anthem is played at a game and it means much more to you than just time to play ball.
—You never really know how to answer the question “Where are you from?”
—Your knees start to go limp at the sight of a military uniform.
—What will trouble you most about graduating college isn’t becoming a real adult, it is that your ID card will expire and you’ll become a civilian.
—The term “permanent address” is an oxymoron
—Your childhood friends were Christians, Buddhists, Jews, black, white, brown, and you never noticed a difference.
—Your childhood neighborhood had a “Yard of the Month” award.
—Your base promoted safe driving by arranging wrecked cars with “bloody”, mangled mannequins in high-traffic areas.
—“the economy” means going off-base and paying higher local prices.
—by the age of 10, your shot record was more than a page long.
—by the age of 10, you knew how to convert at least one foreign currency to U.S. dollars.
—the church you attended during childhood offered both Protestant and Catholic services.
—It’s a daunting task to obtain transcripts from every school you’ve ever attended.
—All the “nice china” in your house came from the 100 yen store in Japan.
— Bases you have lived on overseas were separated from the “economy” by a barbed-wire fence.
—Your house had a building number rather than an address.
—You cried on September 11th, you were also silently praying that your dad won’t be sent to war because you knew war was now inevitable
—You have to explain to someone what a “Shoppette” is
—Your 10th birthday was a big year because you got your own ID card.
—You remember staying in an airport terminal waiting for Space-A
—Base housing sucks, but you call it home anyway.
—You showed up to school the next day after a big sale at the BX- and 10 other girls are wearing the same shirt.
—You find typical American stereotypes of other cultures odd
—The greatest shock in your life came when you realized that your father was NOT going to be the pilot of the plane you were on.
—You saw protestors outside the base gate on the way to school on the bus
—Traveling across the country in one car with two kids and your parents on the way to your next “home” was a vacation.
—The question “where are you from?” becomes a conversation, not just an answer.
—You have to constantly repeat to yourself “My dad is fighting for the freedom for them to do that,” so you don’t beat the crap out of some civilians for disrespecting the military.
—Before doing anything too mischevious, you stop and think how it will affect your father’s career
—You experienced culture shock upon arriving in the States
—You’ve ever had to face being called down to the office while your dad was deployed.. and crying with relief when it turns out its only your lunch that you forgot at home….or your mom needed something out of the car!
—Your civilian friends find it weird that you can make friends in minutes and best friends in hours.
—Those same civillian friends will never understand what you’ve been through. But that’s ok because they’re the ones that are missing out.